The Funny Bone!

Gaurav · Nov 12, 2011

Hi!

I am going to share some of the hilarious dog jokes that I have collected over the years.

Lets start with this one:

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

crazypuppy · Nov 12, 2011

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" The vet says, "Well, let's have a look at him." So the vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes. Finally he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he is cross-eyed?" "No, because he is really, really heavy."

Gaurav · Nov 17, 2011

a classic

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a town, which he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel, and if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here too!"

Gaurav · May 5, 2012

this always cracks me up

PoochMatters · May 7, 2012

yeah its funny - poor dog to be on the wrong side of the cat!

Yuki · May 7, 2012

lol poor dog and nice one kitty!! that gif sure looks like something i often do to my mom hehe i love playing pranks.

Gaurav · Jul 20, 2012

A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop.
The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.

Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.

The seagull's shoplifting started when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips.

it's a true story, btw

PoochMatters · Jul 20, 2012

He He ! Cheeky seagull!!

PoochMatters · Jul 20, 2012

Yuki said: ↑

lol poor dog and nice one kitty!! that gif sure looks like something i often do to my mom hehe i love playing pranks.

Poor Mom Yuki!!

Yuki · Jul 27, 2012

today i threw a piece of cake and Yuki "fetched" it back and gave it to me. i think he thought the cake was a toy lol.

Gautam · Jul 28, 2012

Yuki said: ↑

today i threw a piece of cake and Yuki "fetched" it back and gave it to me. i think he thought the cake was a toy lol.

Once a retriever always a retriever...

Yuki · Jul 28, 2012

Gautam said: ↑

Once a retriever always a retriever...

true lol.

thristydevil · Aug 15, 2012

good jokes but I think they contain less humour than ordinary jokes
I don't criticise you but these jokes are normal but not of better quality hahahaha just joking man that was excellent.

Gaurav · Aug 15, 2012

A guy is driving around Oklahoma and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a damn liar. He never did any of that stuff."

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